Perspective
by Page of Cups
Summary: Sometimes its the simple things that really count. CloudxRiku.
1. Reno

**Title**: Perspective  
**Pairing**:Cloud Strife/Riku  
**Rating**: M

**Summary**: Reno? Humble? Pssh . . .

**Disclaimer**:I wish, okay? It's all lies. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I don't know anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts, and I am not affiliated with anyone who is affiliated with anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts. I think that about covers it.

**Author's Note**:I know what you're thinking, okay? Where is the update to 100 Steps to Somewhere, and why is this crazy bitch writing _another_ damn serial when she's got a 100 chapter story to finish? Because I hate myself. That's why. Because there's no other reason to voluntarily do a 100 chapter series. And then I add a 30 prompt challenge on top of it. Of course I'll go and sign up at eleven reasons (yeah, that's what this is for). I've become a CloudxRiku addict, and a bit of a challenge addict. ::smiles to self:: Hey, at least this will only have eleven chapters, and I already have three more in need of editting. Cause I started working on this in March. Expect to be updated weekly to bi-weekly.

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**Chapter One: Reno**

Cloud Strife was never anyone very important to me. From the time I met him, he meant very little—just another SOLDIER-wannabe that didn't have the chops. He was small, unimpressive. It was almost disturbing the way he was in love with Shinra, Sephiroth, and ached so deeply to make it, be worth something. If the kid didn't have it, he didn't have it, and it had nothing to do with worth. I've always figured if you thought you weren't worth something, you were probably right. After all, that kind of attitude gets you nowhere.

I wasn't even very impressed with Cloud Strife when Sephiroth laid waste to Nibelheim and the little runt took him on. Sure, he did something for Sephiroth to be gone by the time anyone found him, but he had the Masamune stuck through his chest and was on the brink of death. Nothing terribly special if you ask me. Then Hojo stuck him in a pod, and when he did manage to escape, it wasn't even of his own doing. It was really rather pitiful the way Zack Fair dragged him across Gaia, all groggy and half-delirious. And then the Shinra guards killed Zack, and didn't even both with Cloud. Why should have they? He was as good as dead, anyway.

Sure, maybe he pulled through, and maybe he started to work with AVALANCHE, but he was still on the fritz between freak-outs and random delusions of grandeur. He may have gone from an unimpressive guard to a pain in Shinra's ass, but it wasn't a big pain. We fought against each other because he was a member of AVALANCHE and I was a Turk following through on orders. There was nothing more to it. In all honesty, I was unconcerned with his advances to destroy the reactors. Cloud Strife just wasn't really all that special.

I learned a long time ago that I work for me, because there are few people you can depend on. If Rude asks me for a favor, yeah, I may consider doing it, but I'm not going to cut my vacation short just because Shinra tells me to. I'm especially not going to do it for Cloud Strife—some kid who didn't have the skill that became little more than a nuisance. I work for me, and I do what I want.

Yeah, sure, Cloud took care of that little Sephiroth problem we had, and Meteor was stopped, but it wasn't as if he did it on his own. And maybe when Shinra fell to shit, I started working with AVALANCHE, but it had nothing to do with Cloud Strife. Shinra fucked themselves over with that Lifestream crap they pulled on the planet for so long. They brought on the Geostigma, and I do what's best for me. It was in my best interest to work with AVALANCHE, especially when Kadaj and his gang showed up. Let's face it. It wasn't to my benefit should another Jenova Reunion take place, and I really couldn't give two shits about Sephiroth's "mother" anyway.

And maybe, just _maybe_, I started to find Cloud Strife pretty damn sexy. Still didn't make him special. I've found lots of men _and_ women unbelievably hot before, and Cloud wasn't even in the top twenty. Still, I thought it fairly obvious he was gay (when Tifa Lockhart shoves her gigantic tits in your face and you don't respond, how could you not be?). With Cloud being gay and sexy—and me being a man who only worries about myself—I took the next opportunity I got. He got plastered, and I got aggressive. Since the sex was enjoyable, I found it in my best interest to continue the trend.

I still wasn't impressed with Cloud. He was hot and good in bed. Not incredible feats considering he was born with his genetics and the mako from Hojo's experiments gave him a more built physique. Being good in bed doesn't rely on much more than abandoning reserve and aiming to please. While these may have both been traits Cloud Strife often fell short on, he was hammered most of the times we fucked, and alcohol does a great thing for draining away inhibitions. I would know, as I make it a point to imbibe daily.

I wasn't even that upset when Cloud took off after Sephiroth again. One day I woke up and Cloud was gone. Tifa said he went back to their home world—Hollow Bastion or something like that—because a traveler to Midgar had seen Sephiroth there. Sure, I was surprised he left without a goodbye, but it wasn't like we were dating, or that I was in love with him. I was merely surprised Cloud did something without whining first and tip-toeing around the goodbye issue for a few days before he left in a pissy mood. Because that's how Cloud was, you know? Pissy, whiny, moody, and thoroughly unimpressive.

I didn't see Cloud for several years. Truth be told, I thought I'd never see him again. I felt a little twinge inside from time to time when something reminded me of him. I snapped a little when his name got brought up. It was nothing major. Just a little hostility leftover from the incessant prodding I had to endure after his sudden departure.

"Do you miss him?"

"You holding up okay?"

"Don't worry. He'll be back."

It was as if everybody thought I'd be heartbroken or something, crying into my vodka like a little schoolgirl. You know, if little school girls drank straight vodka. Even years after he left, I still got 'The Look' when his name came into conversation. The apologies came after.

"I'm sorry, Reno. I didn't think."

"He just hasn't found Sephiroth yet."

"I'm sure he still thinks of you."

I mean, really . . . What was the big deal? Didn't they know Cloud was unimpressive? I wasn't an emotional wreck. I was holding together fine and getting more than my fair share of sexual gratification. I didn't think of Cloud—he was barely a blip in my past, much like the man himself. Minor. Forgettable. A continuing nuisance in spite of his absence. Cloud was always little more than that.

I knew he was off traveling the worlds, failing to finish off Sephiroth, and I was unsurprised. He was Cloud Strife, and mediocre at best. Tifa saw him now and again, and let me know of his exploits, but they were as average as Cloud.

Years later, he walked back into Midgar as if he'd never left. I was floored. It always seems to happen that way, doesn't it? You look at a person a certain way for what feels like forever, and then they surprise you.

In my case, I've looked at Cloud Strife as inconsequential for as long as I could remember. I didn't miss him. I wasn't heartbroken. I wasn't even very interested in him as a human being. Tifa hadn't seen him in almost a year, and I was sitting in her bar, taking in my daily dose of alcoholic beverages while speaking to her breasts when Cloud walked in. The annoyance slipped from her face. Her mouth fell agape, and I turned to see what was so surprising.

There was Cloud Strife with not one but three gorgeous men. His head was held high. He walked with confidence, exuding a sort of pride I'd never seen in him before. There was a sparkle in his mako-blue eyes. He almost looked . . . happy . . . as he crossed the bar, sat in the seat beside me, and _smiled_ at Tifa.

"He's finished," said Cloud. And almost as a side note, glanced to me and said, "Long time, no see."

I think there was too much alcohol in my system by that point to not gape, but I felt more sober than I had in ages. His three companions sat in seats at the bar, and Tifa's eyes flitted to them for a second before looking back to Cloud.

"Sephiroth?" said Tifa. "He's gone?"

"Gone. Dead. Finished."

She smiled.

"You found your light . . ."

"Mmm . . ." said Cloud. He nodded. "Thought you'd like to know."

"I thought you looked different."

"Happy?" I supplied. Cloud rolled his eyes.

"I can see you haven't changed one bit."

"I think this calls for a celebration," said Tifa before I'd gotten the chance to ask Cloud what exactly his little comment was all about. It almost sounded . . . playful.

I was deeply confused, but accepted the drink Tifa sent in my direction in honor of Cloud's victory.

Victory. Now understand I wasn't annoyed by this point. At this juncture, I was amazed. Things were always rather black and white when it came to Cloud. Sephiroth was extraordinary (evil or not was a different dispute), and Cloud was average. Cloud would continue the chase for the rest of his life. He'd never find his light because he was too unimpressive, too down on himself. They'd just attack each other in an endless cycle until the end of Cloud's days. He acted as if he was some worthless creature of the dark, and when people think they're worthless, they're probably right.

I watched as Tifa passed Cloud and his friends drinks, and listened as she greeted two of them. I recognized the names instantly—Leon, a childhood friend from Hollow Bastion, and Sora, the famed Keyblade master.

"And I don't believe we've met," said Tifa as she leaned toward the exceptionally cute, silver-haired, green-eyed boy. He didn't stare down her top like Leon and Sora had. 'Must be gay,' I noted for the sake of my best interests.

"Riku," he said.

"Ah. So _you're_ Riku."

"Yeah," said Riku. He had an awkward laugh that suggested a significant level of nervousness. "I've heard a lot about you, too."

Cloud actually smiled at the boy, patted his back, and returned his attention to Tifa. Riku shifted in his seat. He had busy hands that fumbled with his drink, but he never actually touched it to his lips. I tilted my head, watching him. He was cute in that innocent, virginal sort of way that begs to be defiled. As I listened, I learned he had a biting sense of humor.

I will confess that this was around the time I started to feel annoyed. Tifa was my friend, more or less. Though Cloud was never much to me, we had known each other. Maybe I didn't know the great Keyblade master, Tifa and Cloud's childhood friend, or the cute little smartass, but it was no reason to shut me out of the conversation. That one acknowledgement Cloud was kind enough to bestow upon me and the drink from Tifa was about as much as I got to signal anyone was even aware of my presence.

They talked a lot about Sephiroth, Hollow Bastion, and the Heartless. I listened, tried to join in, but Cloud had developed an interest in speaking since I last saw him, and was incapable of shutting his mouth. I resigned to nurse my drink and brew in irritation. As all conversations do, however, it eventually dwindled, and when Cloud, Sora, and Leon got into a lengthy conversation with Tifa about something to do with the Keyblade, Riku moved to the seat on my other side.

"You don't talk much," said Riku.

"Cloud doesn't give a guy much of a chance," I replied. Riku smiled.

"Yeah. He gets like that sometimes. I'm Riku."

"Yeah, I heard. Reno."

Riku's lips pulled tight for a fraction of a second before his face relaxed again. I raised my eyebrows.

"What?" I said.

"Huh? I didn't say anything."

"You looked at me weird."

"I just . . . I didn't realize . . ."

My eyebrows rose further.

"Didn't realize what?"

"Who you were."

"What does that mean?"

He shook his head.

"Nothing, really. Just . . . you dated Cloud, right?"

I stared. Once again, I was floored. Cloud had left without saying a word, and I assumed that I was just as meaningless to him as he was to me. He never talked much about himself, and that this random kid even Tifa didn't know had heard of me . . .

"Something like that. It was mostly . . ."

"Sex. Yeah, I heard."

I blinked.

"Yeah . . . So . . . you're friends with the great Keyblade master, huh?" He frowned and shrugged. "Touchy subject?"

He gave me a wry smile. It took everything in me not to jam my tongue down his throat then and there.

"Something like that."

"Not a big talker yourself, huh? And here I thought you wandered my way for a conversation."

Riku shrugged.

"I didn't really feel like talking about Keyblades and Heartless, and you were sitting over here all by yourself, so . . ."

"So you thought you'd come and talk to me?"

"Yeah . . ."

I frowned.

"You don't like me, do you?"

"I don't even know you."

"Yeah, but . . . I mean . . . How well do you know Cloud? Cause you've been kind of weird ever since you found out my name."

Riku opened his mouth, closed it again, and looked past me to Cloud. He was actually smiling again, waving his hands as he spoke. Riku grinned.

"He's my boyfriend."

To be honest, my first thought was that I supposed I wouldn't get any sex out of the kid now. It was followed by a slight vexation that Cloud had beaten me to it. Then it sank in. The change in Cloud . . . the break to his endless cycle of self-deprecation and brooding . . . his light . . . it was all Riku. He must have sparked something in Cloud, and from what I could tell from the situation screaming in my face, they were very much in love. Cloud glanced back, caught Riku's eye, and winked. Riku smirked and waved.

I could've puked in my mouth.

It took me a long time to place that the emotion I felt at that moment was humility. It wasn't an emotion I was familiar with; I'll be the first person to admit I tend to get arrogant. For the longest time I had pegged Cloud as ordinary for human emotions. And yeah, I still think that Cloud is unimpressive in ability, but I think I realized in those few seconds that you didn't _have_ to be exceptionally talented to be an exceptional person. For all the resources Shinra had, they still fell in part to AVALANCHE's efforts—a group of unremarkable people who did something everyone thought impossible. Cloud annihilated Sephiroth on his own—found the courage to dig for his light because of the way Riku— and not I—looked at him.

I'd always thought myself talented because I was skilled. I thought I was better than Cloud because I excelled at something while he was perfectly average at everything. When I realized what something rather unremarkable and common like love had done for Cloud, I also realized that maybe the philosophy of 'Reno works for Reno' wasn't working out as well as I'd like.

I also realized that I was profoundly lonely.

I tried to explain this all to Rude several months after Cloud left for Hollow Bastion again. I didn't think he got it, so I tried to do the un-Reno-like thing, and talked to Tifa. She smiled at me.

"So, basically, you took forty-five minutes to tell me you finally realized the choices we make, the people we surround ourselves with, and the ways we react to things make us who we are more than our abilities?"

"Is that what I'm saying?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Wow. That's either really deep or really simplistic."

"It's been my experience that most things considered deep are simplistic in nature."

"I feel _humbled_, you know? Like . . . just because I'm a better than average fighter, it doesn't mean anything. Cloud . . . Cloud did something no one really believed he could do because Riku had faith in him. I . . . I don't get close to anyone. I've always been an 'every man for himself' kind of guy, and that maybe . . . like, maybe that just doesn't work or you end up . . . you know . . . you don't have those extra resources. Those support systems."

"Friends?"

"Is that what I'm talking about?"

"Yes, I think so."

I eventually stopped sleeping around and started drinking less. Once I was more sober and stopped talking directly to her tits, Tifa actually went on a date with me. I see Riku and Cloud pretty often these days. Riku seems to like me more in a cemented relationship. Though it really gets on my nerves, I find myself cautious with how I treat Tifa. Cloud and Riku got something right. They still make me want to puke in my mouth, but . . . well, it'd be awfully average for me to ignore a great example when it's staring me in the face (along with Tifa's enormous tits). It's hard to accept taking pointers from Cloud, but what can I say? Cloud Strife was pretty remarkable.

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**_Thanks for reading._**

**_Next post: Riku's mother_**

**_Until then (or another post of something else) I bid you farewell. Stay out of trouble (CONSTANT VIGILANCE). Mind your manners. Leave a review if you get the urge to click that little button. Stay in school and don't do drugs._**

**_Love._**

**_-D_**


	2. Kimiko Asaki

**Title**: Perspective  
**Pairing**: Cloud/Riku  
**Rating**: M

**Summary**: Riku was always a heart attack waiting to happen . . .

**Disclaimer**:I wish, okay? It's all lies. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I don't know anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts, and I am not affiliated with anyone who is affiliated with anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts. I think that about covers it.

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**Chapter Two: Kimiko Asaki**

I always knew raising children would be a challenge. When my daughter was born, it was just as I expected. She kept me on the go, up and down all night to appease her needs. When she started crawling, I kept one eye on her at all times, and when she started walking, I gave up on afternoon naps all-together. She was expensive between the costs of setting up a nursery, childcare, clothing, and doctor's bills. I never minded much. Ayumi was a healthy, happy little girl full of curiosity, and I loved to watch her play with her dolls, brushing their hair, or running around on the beach building sandcastles. I knew I wasn't the perfect mother, but I had the best of intentions, and always put my daughter first. With a face like that, it was hard not to adore her.

Ayumi was three years old when Riku was born. Ecstatic to be a big sister, her dolls lay forgotten as we doted over the precious new addition to our family. I thought I was more prepared this time around when I brought my son home from the hospital. I had handled a newborn in the house before, and thought it would be a similar experience. Three weeks later, I learned that Riku was determined to not let me get off as easily as Ayumi had.

Riku was fourteen when he thanked me for being so understanding and supportive over the years. I think I laughed. He always challenged me, and just when I thought I'd figured him out, he turned around on me again. As an infant, he adjusted to sleeping at night with naps during the day quickly, and just as I thought I might get some sleep with this one, he began sleeping during the day and cried his lungs out straight through the night. Once I adjusted to his new schedule, he started sleeping for little more than two hours at a time, crying through wakefulness. I tried to feed him. I took him to the doctor.

"I don't know what I'm doing wrong," I pleaded with my husband after six months of Riku's erratic sleeping patterns.

Riku's pediatrician smiled when I told him of my plight, and explained that my son was perfectly healthy.

"It seems he's just giving you a hard time, Kimiko," he once said.

Hard time, indeed. When Riku started to crawl, he was into everything. By the time Ayumi started walking, the breakables were out of her reach. When Riku started walking, there weren't any breakables left because he learned to climb around the same time. He had a wicked sense of humor. He purposefully did things I told him not to with a devilish smirk—his form of playing. When Ayumi started speaking in entire sentences, she talked to her dolls. She asked me questions about how things worked. Riku's whole sentences made little sense, and when I tried to correct him, he burst into peals of laughter. Yelling never worked with him, because nothing amused him more.

Both my son and daughter were quick to make friends, but while Ayumi splashed in the ocean with her friends and stayed within view, Riku led his all over the islands the first second I looked away. The emergency room was like a second home. He was always covered in cuts and scrapes. I'd scold him constantly for the things he did to himself—wandering off, breaking bones—and he'd give me those big, tear eyes, sob into my shirt, apologizing, clinging to me.

"He's a little demon," I said to my husband one night after tucking Riku into bed. It had been another day in the emergency room. Riku broke his wrist trying to show off to some of the older boys. My head ached. "He's so sweet sometimes, and then he turns around and . . ."

"He's a four-year-old boy," said Tsubasa. "What do you expect, Kimi?"

I sighed.

"I don't know. I just . . . He's a little . . . excessive."

He shrugged.

"Riku is normal. He's mischievous, not evil."

"He wants to learn to spar. He asked me if you'd teach him."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I'd talk to you about it."

"Don't worry so much. He's just a little boy. He'll grow out of it."

"I just . . . Ayumi wasn't like this."

"That's because Ayumi is a little girl, and they're different people."

"I know that. I just . . . I don't know how to handle him."

"He's testing his limits in the world around him."

"He has a broken wrist."

"Be thankful it isn't his neck."

I carried Tsubasa's words with me long after that night. Riku started going to school the next year. His instructors fawned over him. He was a good student, and school seemed to calm him. I watched his endless, scattered energy collect as he focused on his assignments as if he had a mission to accomplish. A sense of pride lit in his eyes over the praise his father and I bestowed for his hard work. His group of friends became smaller but closer, and after two years in school, Sora Harada from next door was practically a permanent fixture in our household.

Sora and Riku played together from the time Riku was four and Sora was three, but they had never been especially close until after Riku's seventh birthday. Sora's mother, Ayaka, and I became fast friends as we shared the duty of supervising our little troublemakers. When Riku was eight, he came home after a day at the Harada house. I set a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the table with a glass of milk and sat in the chair beside him.

"Did you have fun with Sora today, honey?"

Riku nodded.

"Yeah. He's my bestest friend. When I grow up, I'm gonna marry him."

I smiled.

"Don't you think you'll marry a girl when you grow up instead?"

"Nope."

"You say that now, but wait until you're older. Girls won't be so icky then."

Riku set his sandwich down and stared at me.

"Momma, is it weird I want to marry Sora when I grow up?"

I think I stared for a few seconds. No, honestly, I hadn't thought it was weird. Little boys were supposed to think girls had cooties. I was more amused than anything, but the way he looked at me was unsettling.

"Why do you ask, sweetheart?"

"Cause Wakka has a girlfriend, and Tidus got married on the playground to a girl, and Mizuki wanted to marry me, but I told her I was gonna marry Sora when I grew up, and Souta said that was weird and called me gay. What's gay mean?"

"It . . . It means that you're a boy who likes boys like boys are supposed to like girls."

"Oh." Riku paused, sipped his milk, and nodded. "That's okay, then."

"What's okay?"

"I thought he said something mean, but I do like boys, so that's okay, then."

I didn't comment further, and I never said anything to Tsubasa. I still believed that Riku was too young to like girls, and maybe he was a little behind the other boys, but he'd get there eventually. When Riku was nine, Kairi arrived on Destiny Islands, and the terrible twosome of Riku and Sora turned into a threesome. By the time Riku was eleven, it was painfully obvious that Sora and Kairi had crushes on each other. Riku grew quiet around them and tended to sulk around the house. When he turned twelve, I couldn't ignore the situation anymore.

"Riku's gay," I said one night after Ayumi and Riku were in bed. Tsubasa looked up from his work papers, his eyebrows high.

"Excuse me?"

"Riku's gay."

"He told you this?"

"Not in so many words."

"When?"

"About four years ago."

"What?"

I retold the events in the kitchen when Riku was still eight. Tsubasa studied me as I spoke. When I finished, he removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"This makes you think he's gay?"

"He still likes Sora. I don't know how you can miss it. And it breaks my heart because Sora likes Kairi, and I just want to shake that boy."

"I don't think Ayaka would appreciate you shaking her son."

"I'm not like I'm going to, but Riku likes him, and . . . I just don't know what to do."

"You're sure of this, aren't you?"

"I know my son, okay? Riku's gay. Trust me."

"Do you think he realizes?"

"Yes and no. I think he knows he likes boys, but . . . I don't think he realizes what it means, yet."

"So what are we going to do about this?"

"I don't know. Wait for him to tell us, I suppose."

"It's a hard life."

"At least it's not his neck."

"What?"

"It could be worse, you know? We could not support him. Something horrible could happen to him. He's healthy. I just . . . I don't want him to . . ."

"You want him to be him and not try to be something else. You want him to be happy."

I sighed.

"Yes."

Riku was my heart attack waiting to happen from the time he was born. When he was thirteen, he came out to the family, and we respected his wishes to keep it quiet. He swore he'd tell his friends when he was ready, and though I could see his surprise that Tsubasa, Ayumi, and I took it so well, the sadness remained in his eyes. He stopped playing, sparred more, and continued exploring the extents of the Islands. Ayumi said he'd taken up residence on a paopu tree on the island the kids like to play on. She called it his 'sulking place.'

I wanted to reach out, say something, but Riku never responded well to smothering. He liked to figure things out on his own. As Tsubasa would say, he was testing the boundaries of the world around him, and now he was trying to find his place in it. He started high school, and though I saw Sora just as often, Riku started running around with an older crowd of boys now that he and Sora were in different schools. Ayumi and Riku had always been close, but they started to drift apart. She'd get on my case and demand I make Riku stop hanging out with his new friends. When he was fourteen, I caught him on the back porch at two a.m. with a cigarette in hand. Three weeks later, he stumbled in at three in the morning reeking of alcohol. I felt him drift farther away, and when I did try to say something, he refused to listen and stormed off.

When Riku was fifteen years old, he walked into the kitchen and announced that he was building a raft with Sora and Kairi, was leaving Destiny Islands, and was going to see other worlds. Ayumi laughed. I didn't know whether to believe him or not, but it sounded so very . . . Riku . . . that once again I was at a loss.

On the night of the storm, I searched the house. I called everyone I knew. Ayaka was in tears. There was no sign of Riku, Sora, or Kairi anywhere. The months following the storm are a gaping hole in everyone's memories. When the memories resumed, Kairi was safe and sound. Sora . . . Sora was a foggy entity that no one could really be sure if he existed at all. Riku was gone—missing. My heart broke a little more every day. After a year, I was sure he was dead even when everyone remembered Sora all at the same time without any explanation as to why. When Kairi disappeared again, I knew he had to be dead. I resigned to never seeing my son again.

Several months after Kairi's disappearance, I was setting the table for dinner. Ayumi was in the living room on the phone, chatting away with one of her friends. Tsubasa walked into the kitchen from the garage, propped the door open with his foot, and looked at me.

"You won't believe who I saw walking down our street," said Tsubasa.

I frowned.

"Who?"

"Sora Harada."

I dropped the glass from my hands. It shattered across the floor.

"Mom?" said Ayumi. "Is something wrong?"

"Sora?" I said. "Sora was . . ."

"And you won't believe who was with him."

Tsubasa pushed the garage door opened. I fell into a chair. He was several inches taller. The tanned glow to his skin had paled, and heavy bags hung under his eyes. He walked with a slight limp. Riku opened his mouth, closed it again, and stared at the floor. His feet shifted.

". . . Riku . . ."

He looked up. He gave me the eyes. I burst into tears.

"Mom?" said Ayumi. She walked into the kitchen. Stared. "I have to go."

Ayumi turned off the phone, dropped it on the table, and dropped in the seat across me. Tsubasa patted Riku's back.

"They're a little emotional right now," my husband said.

"Guess you can't blame them," said Riku. "I did run away for almost two years."

"Oh . . . Riku . . ."

His voice more than his appearance was what really broke me, I think. I walked to him, pulled him into a hug, and as I held him there and stroked his hair, I heard his breath hitch. It was the first time I'd seen Riku cry since he was ten.

"It's okay, Mom. I'm home now. I'm so sorry."

The entire family gathered together again, and after dinner through most of which Riku was silent we went into the living room and listened. Riku began by warning us that we might not believe him—that we might even think he'd gone crazy. I urged him to continue. His story started long before he left. Most of the beginning I suspected regarding his crush on Sora and his attempts to act out. He'd fallen victim to my fears in trying to be heterosexual, fearful of what his friends would say. I learned about the Heartless, why we all had a months-long gap in memory after the storm, and Riku's role in the invasion of our world. He told us about the other worlds, the darkness, and how he'd succumbed to it. Riku didn't hold back when he explained his fight with Sora, Sora's role as Keyblade master, his possession, and the realm of darkness. Though he refused to meet our eyes when he told us about taking on the appearance of Xehanort's Heartless, his voice remained strong.

"And here I am," he finished.

"You're an idiot!" Ayumi said through tears.

She latched onto Riku, sobbing into his shoulder. His smiled failed to reach his eyes. My heart broke as he spoke, wishing I could have been there, could have done something for him. He was here, though. He had defeated the piece of Xehanort in his heart. My little boy didn't need picked up anymore. He was exploring his boundaries, finding his place in the world, and through it all, he had learned the fly. The part breaking my heart now was the shame in his eyes.

When Riku was fourteen, he thanked me for being understanding and I laughed. He'd been my heart attack waiting to happen since he was born. At seventeen years old, when I hadn't seen him in almost two years, he finally made sense, and for the first time, I knew what to do.

I smiled, touched his wrist, and waited for his eyes to reach mine.

"I'm so proud of you," I said.

His smile reached his eyes. It would have been sweet if it wasn't the same, devious smile I'd seen on his face his entire life.

"There's actually one more thing . . ."

"Do I want to know?" I asked.

"I hope so. I've got a boyfriend. I met him two months after the storm. He's the one who helped me through everything. I'm . . . I'm really in love."

Ayumi squealed.

"I'm so happy for you."

"Does Sora know?" said Ayumi.

"Not yet, but I'm going to tell him as soon as things have settled down around here."

"You know," said Tsubasa, "it wasn't necessary to go through all that to find yourself a boyfriend."

Riku grinned and shrugged.

"I guess I like to do things the hard way."

"So tell us about this boy," I said.

"Well, his name's Cloud."

"Is he hot?" said Ayumi.

"Oh, yeah. He's a lot like me with the way he was stuck in darkness, but he's defeated his demons, too. He's just . . . he's great. He's been so supportive of me . . . he had so much faith in me when he should have given up . . . Oh, yeah. Obviously, he lives on another world, so . . . well, I'm going to have to figure out a way to see him, and everything. And . . . well . . . he's almost twenty-four. I hope that's not a problem."

Some things never change. Just when I think I've got Riku figured out, he turns everything around.

Tsubasa said that after everything Riku had gone through, a boyfriend seven years Riku's senior shouldn't have bothered me so deeply. He rationalized in Riku's defense when I worried about him leaving again. While he spent time with the family, there was something detached in Riku that I didn't like. I often saw him on his cell phone talking to Cloud. Two weeks after his return, he finally came out to his friends, and I ached when I found out how it had gone only because I overheard him tell his boyfriend.

A month after Riku came home, I met Cloud. I observed them interact—the playful banter, the gentle touches, and the soft way Cloud watched Riku when he didn't realize anyone was watching. I wanted to dislike Cloud. I wanted it to be meaningless. I wanted to keep Riku forever now that he was safe and sound—now that he was home.

"You need to let him go," said Tsubasa one evening as I watched Cloud and Riku in the living room.

"He really adores Riku, doesn't he?"

Tsubasa nodded.

"It appears that way."

"Riku loves him, too."

"He's said so, yes."

"I don't want him to go."

"He won't be gone forever. Riku's a good kid. He'll keep in touch."

When I wasn't looking, Riku had fallen, and while he was gone, he learned to fly. Cloud sparked something in Riku that I hadn't seen in him since he was still young, open, and carefree. I envied Cloud in a way, because where I never knew how to handle Riku, Cloud always said the right things. He gave Riku his space without there being a distance.

Riku stretched out on the couch. Cloud poked him in the side.

"Stop squirming," said Cloud.

"I'm not squirming."

"You are."

"I'm restless."

"Then go lay somewhere else, cause you're squirming all over me."

"I'm not squirming, and I wouldn't be so restless if you weren't so bony."

"I'm not bony. I'm sexy and muscular."

"Well your sexy, muscular physique is not comfy."

"Oh, you, come here."

Cloud extended his arm and scooped Riku toward his body.

"Better?" said Cloud.

"No. When did you get so short?"

"I didn't. You got tall."

"Were you always this short?"

"Yes."

"Midget."

"Brat."

"I love you?"

"Yeah, yeah. I love you, too."

I looked back at Tsubasa.

"He's all grown up now, isn't he?"

My husband nodded.

* * *

**_Round of thanks to the three reviewers._**

**Jediempress**: Yeah, the book did suck. But hey, what can you do? I wanted to write this because the Reno part was in my head for ages and just had to write it to get it out. Everything else just came from there. And so far, every little perspective piece I've written I've gone, "I love this," while writing it, so I hope that's a good thing. I'm glad you liked Reno's awakening, so to speak, as well.

**BlackIceNinja**: I'm not in a rush to update this. I'm just doing it because the first four chapters were already written, and I'm working out the fifth. This is my lazy, I need to get away from 100 Steps intensity and I can't think of anything for 30 Kisses story. I intend to keep it that way.

**ChibiFrubaGirl**: I've been dying to play with Reno. I love with so much, so I was thrilled about that first chapter. He's showing up in 100 Steps now, too, so I get to play with him some more. Reno is always good fun.

_**Thanks to everyone who read and didn't review. Anyone who favorited, and everyone who put me, this, or anything else of mine on your alerts. It means a lot to me.**_

**_Next Chapter: Tifa_**

**_All my love and appreciation,_**

**_-D_**


	3. Tifa

**Title**: Perspective  
**Pairing**: Cloud Strife/Riku  
**Rating**: M

**Summary**: Tifa never understood why Cloud couldn't ever see what was right in front of him.

**Disclaimer**: I wish, okay? It's all lies. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I don't know anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts, and I am not affiliated with anyone who is affiliated with anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts. I think that about covers it.

* * *

**Chapter Three: Tifa**

We've been through hell and back, Cloud Strife and I.

We grew up in the same orphanage, and I have to admit that I didn't always notice him—the small, quiet blond boy that ran around with Zack Fair and Squall Leonheart. Zack was the outgoing, personable one. Squall was the untouchable, good-looking one. Cloud, whether because of his stature or introverted nature, always blended in.

I know that when we were young he pursued me doggedly for several years before I took notice. I'm still unsure of when I started to pay attention. It might have been when he courageously volunteered to fight the Heartless in Midgar. It could have been when he stumbled off the train in the sector seven slums and back into my life. More likely than not, it was right before he left that night by the water.

I only vaguely knew him at the time. My friend Aerith was dating Zack so we saw each other frequently and I'd seen him around the orphanage since we were small. He was the sweet one with a crush on me that I'd never consider dating but enjoyed the attention. I never meant to be cold about his feelings; it was a kid thing standardized by social circles. I had my own group of friends that welcomed Zack but had no room for a shy, nice kid like Cloud. We might as well have lived on different worlds that mingled by association.

Down the hill behind the orphanage there ran a small river. When we had our monthly summer campouts or on special occasions the matron took us down there for a bonfire. We'd roast marshmallows and Aerith made flower chains that we wore in our hair. If there wasn't a special occasion, we ran around there to play during free time. In the summer, Aerith, Yuffie, and I put on our swimsuits and splashed around in the water or swung off the tire swing hanging from a tree overhead perfecting the ultimate cannonball. When the Heartless came it was a brooding spot. There wasn't a person you could find there more often than Cloud.

I should have expected his company that night. The Turks just arrived in Hollow Bastion with a wealth of information about the Heartless and other worlds. The full capabilities of Gummi ships. Keyblades and an ultimate savior called the Keyblade master. Zack already decided to go to Midgar with them in exchange for Shinra's services with the problems on our world. The sky was clear, and the stars looked like ethereal pinpricks in the night sky. Light reflected off the water in a beautiful sort of way, casting shadows across my face.

I was crying—upset over a trivial teenage thing (probably a boy) I can no longer remember. One of those things that gets put into perspective with age and maturity, or when real disaster strikes. The sound of rubber soles slick against dew-stained grass cut through my tears. I turned, startled, and there he was, seemingly smaller in the dark.

"Tifa?" he said. "What's wrong?"

I broke down. I told him everything as he sat beside me and stroked the small of my back. We went on to conversations about the Heartless and Midgar. He promised to protect me if I were ever in trouble. I looked upon Cloud Strife with new eyes.

Yuffie hardly had to try when she decided we had to go to Midgar several years later. Everyone was worried—you could read the anxiety in Squall's eyes. Aerith became solemn and though she repeatedly assured us that Zack and Cloud would be all right, I wondered if she was trying to reassure herself more than anything. The Turks were long gone with our friends. The Heartless problem became so out of control that the survivors were moved from Hollow Bastion to Traverse Town—a place for the refugees of broken worlds. Not even Squall heard from Zack or Cloud in ages. Despite the tension, Squall and Aerith decided to stay behind. I suspected hostility and regret molded Squall's reasons; Aerith backed out at the last minute claiming that Squall needed her there with him. I hardly thought twice about Yuffie's proposition, and didn't reevaluate at all when we snuck off in the middle of the night. I didn't try to dissuade her when she hijacked that Gummi ship. I thought only of Cloud.

Yuffie and I lost track of each other several months after we arrived on Gaea. I ended up in the slums beneath Midgar—got taken in by a man named Barrett who worked with a Shinra resistance group called AVALANCHE. Barrett explained the slums to me. How Shinra wasn't trying to exterminate the Heartless; they were trying to control them. He explained the planet's energy—the Lifestream—and how Shinra was killing their world. I was angry—angry that my friends were taken away from home, and being used for these horrible things. I started to help AVALANCHE, and since we were in need of Gil, I used my experience as a bartender in Traverse Town to open a bar of my own: Seventh Heaven located above AVALANCHE's headquarters.

Besides armor and weapons, alcohol was the strongest industry in the slums. With all the problems with Shinra and the constant deaths, there were plenty of depressed men in need of a good, stiff drink. They were happy to pay; I was happy to oblige.

I worried for Cloud every day. It was dangerous here-friends turned on each other. Everyone was suspicious. The Heartless were everywhere, even more out of control than on Hollow Bastion. Shinra continued to steal from the planet's life force (bringing us all closer to our deaths) and failed to notice they were no where closer to controlling the Heartless than they'd been seven years ago. Security measures were implemented once a week. A lot of people I'd come to know in the slums died. AVALANCHE was on Shinra's hit list, and I figured it was only a matter of time before I died, too.

That was when I walked to the train station, waiting for a few AVALANCHE members to return from a mission. The train pulled in and I looked for my comrades through the people filtering through the doors. A familiar head of blond, spiky hair came into view. Before I could process any registration or emotions, Cloud stumbled off the train and collapsed at my feet.

I knew something was wrong that very second. I learned it was worse than I imagined when he couldn't remember Zack.

Cloud was working his way around Midgar as a mercenary at the time. After much persuasion and a lot of Gil, I got him to take a few jobs to aid in AVALANCHE's efforts. It took a lot of begging, a few deaths, and a reunion with Yuffie until Cloud became an official, unpaid member.

I knew I shouldn't have been thinking the way I was—not when there was something so clearly wrong with him. His speech, attitude, confidence were so different, but if I was upset or even stepped before him, he placed his hand on the small of my back and it was like we were home again by the river. The momentum was too strong to stop by the time I realized I was falling in love with him.

Stopping Sephiroth before he destroyed Gaea was our number one priority. As we chased him, Cloud's memories returned, rearranged. I stayed by his side through all the times he helped Sephiroth, through the mako poisoning. I let him take his time as he muddled through the holes in his memory.

He almost didn't make Soldier—was only a guard for several years. I learned that Cloud opened his heart to darkness to advance into Soldier. He was in Nibelheim when Sephiroth destroyed it. Zack tried to stop Sephiroth, failed, and almost died. Cloud tried to stop him, almost died, but critically injured him. Shinra scientist, Hojo, used Cloud's darkness to make Sephiroth more powerful than ever since they still thought they could control it—and by extension, Sephiroth. I learned that Cloud was injected with the Jenova cells, that Zack broke them out of the laboratory, and that now outgoing, personable Zack Fair was dead.

Through the whole ordeal I imagined once Sephiroth was gone, Cloud would confess that he loved me, too. He'd had that crush on me all those years. He still looked at me with the same tender glance and touched me with a gentle yet firm, almost protective, touch. We could finally be together, but when Sephiroth died, Cloud turned to me.

"He'll be back."

I didn't understand at the time. I was frustrated and hurt when Cloud started to pull away, when he started to mourn Zack's loss. We lived together, but we weren't together. When Barrett had to go away he left Marlene with Cloud and I. The little girl took an instant liking to Cloud, constantly attached to him. Denzel, an orphan from the Sephiroth fiasco, came to live with us a few months later.

Still, Cloud and I weren't together. I waited, hoping that as we lived as a family, he would open up. We opened a delivery service together; we raised two children together. How couldn't he see what was right in front of him? He continued to pull away, and then he started to date again. Reno. Reno of the Turks with his flaming red hair, arrogant bravado, and his _penis_. I was incensed. Enraged. Heartbroken and shocked, because I had no idea Cloud was interested in men, and I felt so stupid for how obvious I'd made my devotion to him.

At least Reno got a kick out of it.

That was around the time of the Geostigma. The time Sephiroth returned for the Jenova reunion and I understood what Cloud meant at the end of the last battle. The darkness used to keep Sephiroth alive tied them together. As long as the darkness that remained in Cloud's heart held power over him, he couldn't defeat Sephiroth. No matter how many times he was killed. Not now, not ever.

I wanted to reach out—do something, anything to help him. I wanted him to find comfort and solace with me, but he ran to Reno. I knew it couldn't be serious; Cloud didn't touch him in the same fond way he touched me. There were no gentle brushes of his hand against Reno. All physical contact was brusque, rough—the forceful slam of hips and lips. It was no more than lust. I had to take comfort in that. I had to wait a little longer until it fizzled out, Cloud had his foray, and he was ready to pick himself up to settle down.

One night a man came into the bar and overhead me talking to Cloud and Reno about Sephiroth. He said that he'd heard of Sephiroth during his travels around Gaea. Didn't know what the fuss was about. When he met Sephiroth in Hollow Bastion, he was positively charming.

It was all Cloud needed to hear before taking off without a word, leaving me and Reno behind. I tried to console him, and I admit I must have done a horrible job for what it was worth. I did feel sorry that he'd lost Cloud without a word or a goodbye, especially when he insisted that he was fine. I didn't feel as sorry as I thought I should have, however, but we spent a lot of time together. I started to see why Cloud enjoyed time with him, because although Reno was a little over the top at times, he was fun with an ability to uplift my most depressing moods.

I grew restless. Yuffie returned to Traverse Town ages ago with Cid, leaving me as the last former-Hollow Bastion resident in Midgar. I made sure to say goodbye to Reno before I left and headed out to look for my friends and Cloud. When I arrived in Traverse Town, however, everyone was gone. It felt like my first trip to Midgar all over again; I was alone praying for Cloud's safety and well-being. With my options limited, I set out again for the only world I could think to find them. Hesitation pushed aside, I returned to Hollow Bastion for the first time since I was fifteen years old.

I found Aerith first, down in the marketplace talking to a few residents about a restoration. Yuffie was next. There were a lot of tearful reunions. A lot had changed in the past year since Cloud left Midgar on his Sephiroth hunt. There was a lot of catching up to do. A lot to be filled in on.

Squall and Cloud were friends again. Squall was going by Leon these days. Everyone worked diligently to restore Hollow Bastion to its former glory, and the Restoration tasks ranged from Heartless control to new plumbing to commerce. Cloud was in and out, off looking for Sephiroth again, but he'd been around Hollow Bastion for awhile. He kept them updated on his missions. Aerith called him more determined than she'd ever seen him. The legendary Keyblade master was a regular around our world these days and had struck up a friendship with my friends.

Oh, yes, and Cloud had a new boyfriend. The legendary Keyblade master's best friend. But said best friend looked like the bad guy's Heartless right now, so it was a secret. Don't tell Sora.

I wanted to murder Cloud for being so stupid. How could he fall for a teenager (this Riku was only sixteen) lost in the darkness? Especially when he needed to find his light and eradicate Sephiroth's existence. Even worse, how could he not see what was right in front of him?

I saw Cloud eventually after I'd met the Keyblade master and his traveling companions. He talked about Sephiroth, about exploring the worlds, but more than anything he talked about Riku. Riku gave him hope. Riku was his light when he couldn't see through the darkness. Made him feel that he could do anything, because if Riku kept trying, Cloud shouldn't give up, either.

Against my better judgment, I continued to hold on. They hardly saw each other because Riku was busy helping Sora against Organization XIII (not that Sora knew this, of course). Cloud was busy with the Restoration and Sephiroth. This long distance relationship couldn't last; there was too much hanging over their heads, too many odds stacked against them. Maybe it was happening for a reason, though. Maybe they just needed each other right now to get through this mess, and once it was finished, Cloud would come back to me.

I knew I was starting to get pathetic about it all. I traveled between Hollow Bastion and Midgar, occasionally stopping at the Underdrome in Olympus Coliseum to partake in a match or two. Whenever Reno dropped into the bar, I talked his ear off about what Cloud was up to. Marlene begged to see him, and I called Cloud often, asking him to visit. He promised that he would eventually, but Sephiroth was more important now. I told him I understood. I knew I had to be patient.

Three months later and I was tending bar one night, trying to ignore Reno staring at my anatomy, when Cloud walked in. I instantly recognized Squall and Sora at his side, but there was another guy with them I'd never seen before. From the silver hair and green-blue eyes, I knew it had to be Riku. They took seats at the bar and my heart beat a little faster as Cloud smiled and told me Sephiroth was finished. My hope rose only to crash minutes later.

I introduced myself to Riku. He said he'd heard a lot about me, and I felt pride in noting how nervous he seemed. Nervous to be meeting me, and Cloud had talked about me a lot. He shifted in his seat, and that was when it happened; I knew it was over. Cloud smiled at him in that adoring way he hadn't bestowed upon me in years. His hand fell to the small of Riku's back and patted it a few times before he returned his eyes to me. The hand lingered several seconds longer before it dropped away. Some of Riku's confidence seemed to return.

That was the night I decided to move on. For possibly the first time ever, Cloud was truly happy. He wasn't pushing people away to protect them. He accepted help with grace. Even his sense of humor returned. He and I remained friends, and the relationship that never was faded from my expectations for the future.

Reno was affected, too, by the changes in Cloud. He came into the bar several months after the incident and talked in circles for almost an hour about humility and self-reflection. Things really changed after that night. Reno started drinking less, and we started dating. It would figure that in the end it would be Reno and I, brought together by Cloud without any effort on his part.

So we've been through hell and back, Cloud Strife and I, but it was time to step aside. It was Riku's turn.

* * *

**_Big thanks to everyone with this. I've wanted to do a perspective serial for just about every pairing I've ever written for, and I'm discovering it's harder than I thought it would be. All the feedback is greatly appreciated. _**

**_Love,_**

**_-D_**


	4. Kairi

**Title**: Perspective  
**Pairing**: Cloud Strife/Riku  
**Rating**: M

**Summary**: In Kairi's little girl world, she was in love . . .

**Disclaimer**:I wish, okay? It's all lies. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I don't know anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts, and I am not affiliated with anyone who is affiliated with anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts. I think that about covers it.

* * *

**Chapter Four: Kairi**

I was eight years old when I moved to Destiny Islands. The first seven years of my life were spent on another world, I suppose, but I can't remember it even now. Even after learning about the Heartless, hiding my heart within Sora, meeting my Nobody, and running from red-headed morons in black cloaks, I can't remember my life before Destiny Islands. It frustrates me sometimes, but I suppose it doesn't really matter because Destiny Islands is all I've ever known, and Destiny Islands is my home. I suppose that's why I was so reluctant to leave.

We moved into the mayor's house—a cousin of my mother who insisted that I call him Uncle Kenji. I had just unpacked the last of the boxes and went downstairs to the kitchen for a drink of water. Destiny Islands was warmer than wherever I'd live before and I was still adjusting to the heat. A red construction paper fan went everywhere with me, and I carried both it and my drink outside to the front porch.

The new house had a porch swing. I loved to sit on it (I'd always wanted one) and let my feet dangle as it rocked me back and forth. My water glass sat on a wicker table by the swing as usual. I kicked my feet and fanned my face. I still remember what I was wearing (odd, considering my lack of memory)—a pleated grey skirt and a little pink t-shirt with yellow stars. My thoughts were racing. I thought a lot about what school would be like and wondered if there were any other girls in the neighborhood to play with. Uncle Kenji had something about a girl named Selphie who ran around with a jump rope. Maybe I could go talk to her.

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't even notice two boys approaching the house until they were standing on the porch. I had never been friends with boys before, hadn't really talked to many boys at all. I sat up and surveyed them, squirming. One boy was shorter than the other with funny, brown spiky hair. He bounced as he walked, his eyes sparkled, and I giggled noticing how big his feet were. The other boy's eyes were an intense shade of aquamarine. He had silver hair (I'd never seen a boy or a girl with silver hair before). He seemed very calm—not the bouncing type at all. The rambunctious brunette asked me my name and if I wanted to go out to the play island. Just like that. The silver-haired one still didn't speak, but the brunette seemed so excited I asked my mom if I could go, and that was how I met Riku and Sora.

I liked Sora instantly, but it took a lot longer for Riku. I didn't understand his quiet nature or his take-charge attitude. He seemed a little bossy to me at first, but Sora didn't say anything about it, so I tried not to, either. He seemed a little rude to me, but Sora seemed to think it was funny, so I laughed, too. It was only a year later until I understood the mean things Riku said were just jokes, and they actually became funny. I finally understood why he took the role of a leader when Sora's many attempts fell short of coming close to realization. You know, like that time he wanted to play hide and seek, fell asleep in his hiding spot, and his mother had to come out to the play island crying while we searched for two and half hours before he woke up. The scolding Riku gave him was well-deserved.

Once I understood Riku more, he became fun. Riku always had great ideas on what to do, and he always had new, interesting ways to explore the play island. I liked to watch him teach Sora how to spar, and we always had a lot of fun racing our boats. When I was nine, I developed my first crush on Riku, and though it was short-lived, those six months felt like forever in my little girl world. I made seashell necklaces on the beach while he and Sora raced, watching the way the sun shined off his hair. He was so full of life with a smile that made me weak in the knees and a laugh that made butterflies form in my stomach. In my little girl world, I thought I was in love.

By the time I turned ten that crush faded away. Riku changed. He laughed less and brooded more. Adventures around the play island failed to satisfy his curiosity. Tidus and Riku started to hang out more often, and our little trio became a sextet, because with Tidus came Wakka and Selphie. It was nice to have another girl around, but without Riku (Riku who was our fearless leader and the great protector to me), I grew closer to Sora.

Things continued the same way for the next three years. Riku grew more restless, sure, but nothing changed among friends. Tidus, Wakka, Sora, Riku, and even Selphie sparred a lot. I liked to watch them play, because at least when they sparred, something lit up in Riku's eyes. For three long years I watched the happiness fade away to cynicism. He started to sit on the bent-over paopu a lot, as he stared out at the water. He wouldn't ever tell anyone what was wrong, and it became normal. It became something that was just very Riku, only it wasn't like Riku at all. Riku had ideas. Riku smiled. Riku was constantly up to no good, and it drove me crazy. I just couldn't understand why no one else noticed.

I was still a little girl then, but I knew enough about the world around me to know that Riku was depressed. He wasn't depressed in a suicidal kind of way, but in a stifled way as if he were trapped in a prison he just couldn't shake. Riku said it was the Islands—that there was nothing fun to do anymore, but I knew there had to be more. I noticed the way the melancholy set in when Sora and I started our awkward, adolescent flirtation. I saw the possessive jealous glances and words that formed a rivalry between best friends. They argued a lot more, disagreed constantly, and were always fighting in a playful manner, but it wasn't playful. Sora was naive to it, content to just have fun, but I also noticed the competitive streak in Riku's approach. He wasn't just playing, and he knew it. Riku had changed.

I tried to talk to my mom about it when I was thirteen, but she just shook her head. She said teenage boys could be funny like that, and Riku was just dealing with hormones. She said I wasn't supposed to worry. I tried to believe what she said, but it was hard. Sora hadn't changed so drastically. Tidus was as loud and obnoxious as ever. Riku . . . Riku was melancholy.

I thought that would be the worst of it all until Riku went to the high school. Being a year younger, Sora and I said goodbye as Riku went off and we got left behind. At first, everything was the same as it had been for the last three years, but then Riku started to drift away. He wouldn't have the time to play, or he'd say he was too old for that 'kid stuff.' He cancelled plans to hang out with older boys from the high school. His sister, Ayumi, came to us mid-way through the school year concerned because Riku was drinking, and she wanted to know if we knew anything about it. Three weeks later I found Riku in the secret place smoking.

Saturday nights were always a big deal on Destiny Islands for the fourteen and older crowd. From about nine o'clock to midnight there was a big beach party on the play island with music, surfing, and lots of great food. I was so excited when Sora asked me if I wanted to go with him the first week school let out. It was almost like a date. I thought that maybe he liked me the way I liked him, too.

Selphie came over early in the afternoon to help me pick out my outfit and help me with my hair. I talked about Sora, she talked about Tidus, and we giggled over the paopu fruit legend. I wondered if I'd get my first kiss that night.

I didn't get my first kiss. The night was, at best, just like any other event. Ayumi Asaki was there with a few of her friends, singing along to music and dancing in the sand. Sora and I played volleyball with Selphie, Tidus, and few other kids from our class. When our game was finished, Selphie and I went to grab smoothies, and as we walked past the dock, the sound of shouts caught our ears. Curiosity got the better of us.

We found Ayumi and Riku just below the ladder to the tree house. From the way Ayumi was screaming at him, I deduced that he was drunk. Really drunk.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself," said Ayumi.

"I like what I'm doing," said Riku.

"I don't believe you. You're just trying to forget, and you can't. You can't change anything, and even if you could, drinking isn't going to help."

"Would you lower your voice?"

"No, I won't. If you're going to act like this, I'm not going to protect you."

Riku stared at his sister for several seconds. His face hardened.

"If I'm acting like this for the reasons you think I am, don't you think that maybe I need the protection more than you're giving it credit for?"

The anger in Ayumi's face instantly drained. He looked away. I glanced to Selphie, who shrugged.

"It's not the end of the world," said Ayumi, softer. She reached out and pulled Riku into her arms, smoothing his hair. "Everything's going to be okay. It's just a few more years, okay? And you won't be alone at school next year, right? That's an improvement. Sora will be there."

Riku sniffed.

"Sure, but so will Kairi."

Selphie's eyes widened.

"I know, honey," said Ayumi, "but Kairi and Sora are your friends. You can't keep shutting them out."

"Why not? They have each other now."

I knew he wasn't as close to us anymore, but I had never thought it was because of me. I thought we were friends. I thought he liked me. Everything I thought I knew about my relationship with Riku came crashing down on my heart. Until Ayumi spoke again, anyway . . .

"Come on, Riks. It's not like Sora's the only boy out there. Just because he likes girls doesn't mean he's not your friend."

"I don't want to end up alone."

Ayumi rubbed the back of his head.

"You won't, honey. I promise. You're fifteen. You've got plenty of time to find the love of your life. I'm sure there are lots of guys out there that would just be dying to date you. Okay?"

Riku pulled back and nodded.

"Yeah. Okay." He paused. "I don't feel good."

"Shouldn't have been drinking. Let's get you home and into bed. Let me tell my friends I'm getting out of here."

Riku nodded. Selphie and I ducked out of view and sat still as Ayumi passed. We waited until Riku and Ayumi's boat was far out of sight before we dared to move again.

"We can't tell anyone about what we just overheard," I said.

Selphie nodded.

"Got it."

I sighed and let my body relax.

"Riku's . . ."

"Gay . . ." said Selphie.

I nodded.

It was, really, as if everything over the last four years had more answers now than any other explanation could provide. Riku was gay. Riku was jealous over our closeness not because he liked me as Sora suspected, but because he liked _Sora_. He hadn't told us because, clearly, he didn't want anyone to know. He feared Sora and I running off together to leave him alone. The Islands were too small for him because there was a lot of homophobia, everyone knew everyone, and he just couldn't see any prospect for falling in love here. He was a teenage boy. Falling in love becomes a priority the more established of a teenager you become.

The melancholy, the sadness, all the brooding—Riku felt alone. Even when he was with us, he felt alone because he could never have what he wanted. No matter how many times he and Sora sparred, he could never win. Riku _was_ trapped. He was trapped by the Islands and the poor outlook on his romantic future where all his friends would go off, get married, and he'd be the gay one, looked down upon, spit on, and _alone_.

I almost wished it was just that he hated me.

That night at the beach party with Ayumi must have gotten Riku thinking. By the end of the following week, Riku was back on the play island with us as if he'd never gone away. Selphie and I never said a thing about what we overheard, and the usual dynamics returned. Riku sat on the tree and brooded. Occasionally he'd spar with Tidus or Sora. Sometimes he took on Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie all at once.

Riku was preoccupied a lot. He said he wanted adventure. He wanted to know what else was out there in the world beyond our little Islands. I had to tell him about a thousand times that I didn't remember where I came from, but he was obsessed with the subject. I wasn't from Destiny Islands. That meant there was something bigger beyond us—other worlds that he hadn't explored yet, and places where no one knew him or where he came from.

Sora became more enthralled and excited the more Riku talked. The boys always were the first to jump at a new adventure while I was content to sit back, watch, and hear the story later. I wasn't getting out of it this time, though. It didn't matter how many times I told Sora and Riku that the raft might not work; the boys had decided. The three of us were going on an adventure. We were going to leave Destiny Islands and find the world I came from. I didn't get a say in the matter.

The night before we were set to leave, Sora and I sat on the dock staring out at the water. He was so excited about leaving and getting to see new worlds. I expressed my reluctance to leave, but I didn't want to be left behind, either. I worried if leaving was the best thing for Riku, or if he should just confront his fears. My mom always said that running away was never the answer, and it seemed to me that it was exactly what Riku tried to do. He wanted to run.

That was the night of the storm. After it happened, I don't have much of a memory other than what Sora told me. I hid my heart within him to protect it, I think. I was a princess of heart, whatever that meant. Sora and Riku searched relentlessly for me, but Sora was the good guy, and somewhere along the way, Riku became the bad guy. Riku was the one who took care of me, who tried to get my heart back, but it backfired, Riku got possessed by some guy's Heartless, and I ended up in the hands of the very people Sora tried to save me from.

I woke up in a castle in Hollow Bastion after Sora released the princesses' hearts. It was the last time I saw Riku for a long time. He'd already fallen to the darkness, already taken over by Xehanort's Heartless, but he broke free just long enough to hold him back. He told me to run. I didn't want to leave him there like that. He looked so scared, so broken. I had no idea what was going on, just that Riku had somehow found himself in a very bad situation, and it was taking everything in him to give me enough time to escape. I did everything not to let him down.

After that horrible situation (Sora turning into a Heartless and Riku's downfall), I lived in Traverse Town for a little while with friends of Sora's. He still had a lot of work to do to help save the worlds, so I gave him my good luck charm and waited. Leon, Aerith, Yuffie, and Cid were very nice, and very helpful in filling in the holes. I learned all about the Keyblade. All about the rivalry that formed between Riku and Sora. My heart broke the longer I waited, and then it was all over. I was home on Destiny Islands; Sora and Riku never returned.

Sora faded from my memory until I could hardly think of him at all. I couldn't recall his face; I couldn't remember his voice. All I knew was that he was far away, and I loved him very much. Riku was still there, also far away and fighting the darkness in him. My memory of Sora eventually returned, and my hopes grew. When that crazy red-headed guy (Axel, he said, and yes, I have it memorized) showed up, I tried to run. I had to look for Sora and Riku. They never came home, and Sora promised he would. I didn't know how I could help or if I even could, but I knew I had to try.

When I ended up locked away in the World That Never Was, I fell into a depression. Organization XIII wasn't the kindest group; Axel was the nice one and _he_ kidnapped me. They scared me a little, and what made it worse was that Saix said he was keeping me there because of Sora. Sora was in danger, and it was my fault. Then I met Naminé. I didn't know she was my Nobody at the time, but I felt I knew her. I felt she was someone I could trust.

Naminé broke me out. She took my hand, and when it happened, a bright, white light filled my vision. When it cleared, she led me through Organization XIII's stronghold, and just when I thought we were going to escape, Saix appeared before us. He told me that leaving wasn't an option. He said he'd take me to Sora, but I pulled away. I told him that I wanted to see Sora more than anything, but not so long as he was around. I readied myself to fight him, aware that it was probably very stupid of me, but Naminé nodded, and she, too, steeled herself to fight.

I believe Saix's reaction went along the lines of "If I had a heart, this would be where I die of laughter."

That was when the cling echoed off the walls and one of the Berserker Nobodies fell, attacked from behind by someone we hadn't even known was there.

"You . . ." said Saix. "Didn't Roxas take care of you?"

The newcomer was dressed in a black robe like all the other Organization members, so I didn't drop my guard, but Naminé straightened up. She smiled, even.

"You can take it from here, Riku," she said.

My eyes widened. I blinked, dropping my guard immediately. I looked to Naminé, and then to the cloaked man.

"Riku?" I said.

He and Saix fought, but Saix disappeared into one of those portals of darkness I'd seen the Organization members use. The man hesitated, but then moved to follow. My trance broke, and I ran forward.

"Wait!" I said. When he paused again, I knew it was him. Pluto ran up to him, and he stepped away from the portal. I came closer and reached for the hood shadowing his face. "Riku . . . you're really here?"

When I pulled the hood back, it wasn't Riku face I saw. He looked away, ashamed, and though I didn't understand, I only had to look into the eyes that weren't his to see him inside it—still sad, still melancholy, and for the first time ever, I saw shame. I stepped back at first in shock, but then he spoke.

"I'm sorry, Kairi."

It was all it took to break me. I threw myself forward, and wrapped him in a hug. I cried. I told him how much I missed him. I yelled at him for leaving the way he did. He couldn't meet my eyes, so I just held on and closed mine. When I did, Riku became clear in my mind's eye, and my embrace tightened. He just stood there, letting me hug him but not daring to move, and then there was another voice—_Sora's_ voice.

"He's here?" I said. Riku nodded.

I ran toward the balcony and looked down below. I saw Sora with his traveling companions. Ecstatic, I called out to him, but the Heartless attacked, and I didn't even think twice before running and jumping off the ledge to him. The Heartless swarmed, and the next thing I knew Riku pulled me to my feet and handed me a Keyblade of my own.

"Take it," he said.

I nodded.

"This time . . . I'll fight. You know Sora's completely hopeless without us! C'mon, Riku."

I was off and running, striking down Heartless that crossed my path. Riku was right behind me. We fought together, and though I think I shouldn't have felt it, I was thrilled. I was right there with Riku, fighting beside him. I'd just seen Sora, and though it wasn't the best situation, my mind was appeased just knowing he was alive. He could handle himself, and Riku and I could help him. It was only right. When the Heartless cleared, I tried to catch my breath, and then I heard Donald tell me that I did great, and I turned. Sora was there.

Sora said he was glad I was there. I told him that since he never came home, I came looking for him. I hugged him, and our exchange must have gotten to Riku. He was still so broken, lost in the darkness, wearing a form that wasn't even his own, and here I was, hugging Sora, the boy that bothered Riku so deeply at the beginning. My memory caught up to me when I heard the portal of darkness, and I turned to say something, but Sora beat me to it.

"Wait, Ansem! I mean, Xehanort's Heartless . . . I never thought for a second that I'd ever see _you _again."

Sora went on a tirade at the end of which he thanked Riku for saving me. I almost laughed, watching Sora make such a fool out of himself. I waited for the joke, for Riku to deliver the punch line to Sora's outburst, but he didn't make a joke. He didn't reveal himself. He didn't say anything at all, just walked away. I ran after him, grabbed his arm, and yanked him back.

Sora broke down upon learning what happened to Riku. The shame was so strong, but Sora convinced him to fight with us. Riku did change back, and we did all return to Destiny Islands, but the sadness was still there. The escape, the adventure—it had all done nothing to break Riku from his depression. He told his family about the Heartless. We told Selphie, Wakka, and Tidus together. Two weeks after we returned, Riku sat Sora and I down. He finally told us he was gay.

Sora was amazed. I, of course, already knew, and since we were coming clean about secrets, I told him what I'd overheard that night at the beach party. I saw his surprise, but then he laughed a little, and the depression deepened. There was something else he had to tell us. Something he'd been lying to Sora about, or at least having someone else lie to Sora about, because he had a boyfriend. A twenty-four year old boyfriend that Sora already knew—Cloud Strife.

Riku said that Cloud helped him get through everything—Xehanort's Heartless included. Supported him when he needed it the most, but he'd told us so many times that he didn't want to be found it wasn't a surprise to Sora that Riku had asked Cloud to lie for him. Riku was home, had beaten the darkness, and that was what mattered. I saw a little of the sadness fade away from his eyes.

I thought that even though he had Cloud, maybe Riku was still in love with Sora. Maybe he was melancholy now because of the darkness. He was ashamed of what he'd done with Maleficent and how he'd succumbed to Xehanort's Heartless, which was, apparently, even worse than succumbing to just some evil guy. I almost laughed when Cloud first arrived on Destiny Islands and I saw Riku with him, because it was so much simpler than all that.

He was ten years old again, back in the days when I still thought I loved him. Cloud stepped off that Gummi ship and Riku was off, in Cloud's arms before the blond even registered what had hit him. He gave Cloud the grand tour of the play island; Sora and I tagged along, laughing every time he brightened at a new thought. It was as if he'd never seen the Islands before, either, with the way he ran from place to place. When he dragged Cloud to the bent-over paopu, he even told Cloud that it was 'his brooding spot.'

You may as well have just told him there was a brand new cave to explore with the way he smiled when Cloud kissed him.

Like Riku, I didn't understand Cloud at first. He seemed moody to me. He seemed a little distant, but I knew he made Riku happy. As time passed and I got to know him better, Cloud became an integrated part of the group. When Sora and I finally did go on real dates (and after all that drama with the Heartless, I finally got my first kiss), we sometimes doubled with Cloud and Riku.

Sometimes the shame would come back. I'd see Riku out on his tree, brooding, but then Cloud would come up behind him. They'd sit together on the paopu, or Cloud would wrap his arms around Riku's shoulder, and I'd see a little of that depression disappear. The melancholy never went away completely, but he was still happy. He still laughed a lot, and I'm certain that one day it will all be behind him. Until then, he has Cloud to make him smile. I'm grateful for that, because as long as Cloud's around, he's still the Riku I once loved.

* * *

**Thanks to everyone who may read this. Sorry for the wait. Chapter Five is giving me issues, but I feel ready to write it now, so I decided to let you all have this little snippet. Thanks for all the support.**

**-D**


	5. Zack

**TITLE: **Perspective  
**PAIRING: **Cloud Strife/Riku**  
RATING: **R

**DISCLAIMERS: **I wish, okay? It's all lies. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I don't know anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts, and I am not affiliated with anyone who is affiliated with anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts. I think that about covers it.

**Author's Note**: I took great liberties with Zack and the pre-FFVII events here, but as I'm fusing so many storylines that just don't agree with each other (and all I can do is imagine what might have happened had it gone _this way_ instead), we'll just call it severe crossover AU, okay?

(It probably helps I don't have the money (or PSP) to play Crisis Core, huh?)

* * *

**_Chapter Five: Zack_**

You see a lot more than people think when you're dead. Or at least I do, floating around in the Lifestream and whatnot. Whether it's the same on other worlds, I don't know, but on Gaea (where the planet has a Life-force of its own) being dead isn't really so much as being gone as it is playing voyeur to the living. Sometimes it's annoying, watching people do stupid things you can't rectify or warn against. Sometimes it's just nice, seeing how happy simple things can make a person. Restores hope to my dwindling faith in the human race.

I wasn't always this cynical, but I've noticed that being dead tends to do this to a person. Everyone goes through a similar process. First you register you're actually dead. This is followed by a lot of grief and regret for all the things you didn't do when you were alive or in regards to loved ones left behind. Then a brief time of peace and acceptance follows accompanied by a fixation with watching over the living. For me, that came with a sense of purpose, as if I were some kind of guardian angel, until I realized that I couldn't really change anything, and when I did yell at people, they never listened. That's when the cynicism arrives, and if there's anything past that I don't know about it yet because I'm still not there. Whoever said there was peace in death knew nothing about afterlife in the Lifestream. The only upside in death is you have very little shit of your own to deal with. This was the kind of place only Aerith could love.

And speaking of Aerith, did I mention I curse this stupid planet and the Shinra company everyday for luring me here? It's bad enough that all I have to do for the rest of eternity is welcome the new dead and watch the living, but I can't even check in on the people I love the most because all those fuckers have run home to Radiant Garden. Except for Tifa. And while Tifa's great, there's only so much canoodling between her and Reno that I can take. That moron may think he's a badass, but I think he'd die of shame if the living knew the kinds of things he says when those two are alone. Part of me can't wait until he dies. It'll be entertaining to mock him mercilessly for the rest of eternity.

There has been some peace in my death, however, despite all my griping. As I said before, sometimes it can be nice. Sure, there's depressing times, but despite them there are the good moments—the things that make it all come together and I finally understand the generous, beautiful side of humanity. Take Cloud Strife, for example.

Cloud's been driving me crazy since we were kids. We grew up in the same orphanage, and being about the same age we were roomed together at the age of seven. We became fast friends if only because I love to hear myself talk and Cloud speaks so rarely he makes a great listener. Though I had a lot of friends, Cloud was probably the one I was closest to. He could be a moody little bastard even as a child, but I figured I was exuberant enough for the both of us. I probably just exhausted him.

I always knew Cloud looked up to me. When he did speak, it was often about how jealous he felt at times. At how it was depressing to only have one friend. About how he wished he could be more like me. Cloud rarely did anything without my approval first. He trailed after but rarely socialized and isolated him even more from the rest of our group. He rarely smiled. When the other kids didn't like him, the desperation to fit in turned to anger. Cloud would go off about how he didn't need any of them—how he didn't need to change who he was for their acceptance, and if they didn't like him the way he was, it was their loss. It would have been a good thing if he'd actually meant it. Things only got worse when Squall was stuck in our room a few years later. In his bright-eyed innocence, Cloud was so cool to him—a sort of rebel who didn't need friends because he was just that great that friends could only drag him down. I think Cloud took the constant compliments as mocking. Squall's adoration only reminded him of his shortcomings and he grew more desperate to stand out. Grew desperate to prove the things he said and make them real. He wanted those that shunned him to feel that they had missed out in doing so. He never believed me when I told him they already were.

Though somewhere Squall probably knows and is cursing my name as I speak—keen as he always was—I can't help but blame him a little for the Sephiroth fiasco. I know it's wrong, and it know he really isn't at any fault, but the way he looked up to Cloud so much really put a dent in his ego. The normal, well-adjusted person (like me) finds adoration to be a bit of an ego trip if not annoying. Cloud only fixated on how wrong Squall was and became determined to prove himself worthy of such compliments. When it came down to it, I believe without a doubt that it was not a need to show off to Tifa (whom he desperately liked) or to make the people who didn't like him change their minds, but it was Squall that sparked his decision to come along to Gaea without a second thought.

When the Heartless first invaded there was a great sense of panic over Hollow Bastion. Even I was scared, unsure of what was going to happen to me and the people I loved. The Heartless were strange. We'd never seen anything like them before and couldn't begin to understand them. Squall, young as he was, was desperate for comfort. His entire world had suddenly become frightening and unstable. As attached to Cloud as he was, however, he wanted no support from me. It was Cloud he woke in the middle of the night, visibly shaken from nightmares. It was Cloud on that first day when the sky grew dark that he hid behind. Cloud, however, would always be Cloud—insecure and unsure of himself despite his best instincts. Sure, he let Squall climb into bed and offered the protective arm, but he was clearly uncomfortable. He looked to me for cues on what to do and say. In reality I was taking care of them both, offering advice and support.

I didn't hesitate to sign up with the Turks when they first arrived in Hollow Bastion. Our world needed all the help it could get and I wasn't opposed to making allies. We needed resources, manpower, and education if we were to save ourselves from the invasion of our home. If the only price to pay was assistance with their own problems, I could volunteer my services. I was young and able—old enough to be taken on and join the cause. I should have felt shamed to stay behind.

Cloud was a different story. He was always smart—good at bookwork, but when the time for actual application came into play, he tended to fall short. It wasn't that he didn't have the work ethic. Cloud worked harder at things than I've seen most people do in my life. He had the drive, but little natural talent. I try to dissuade him from joining up. I feared his low confidence would make matters worse and that when push came to shove, he would fall, too wrapped up in his insecurities. I told him he needed to stay for Squall. That he was too young to come with and couldn't be left alone. That he needed Cloud to stay with him. Cloud refused—wouldn't even hear me out, determined to prove something himself worthy of something. I felt like a real asshole when all I could think he would prove himself to be exactly what I expected.

It was a rocky start. I watched as he struggled. He was slower than the other recruits. He took harder and more frequent beatings. His body failed to keep up with the others no matter how far ahead his mind was. He lost focus frequently, becoming easily frustrated and irate. It was with shame that I left him behind, placed into SOLDIER, while he was made a simple guard, lowest of the low. It was with even more shame that I felt unsurprised.

Now don't get me wrong. I cared for Cloud like a brother, but I'm human, right? Sometimes you need to call a spade a spade and be done with it. So I guess I did become frustrated with him. He didn't have it, was never going to have it, and I wanted him to just get his shit together and accept that. His constant self-degradation was starting to get on my nerves. I spent less time with him, and when we were together I put on my best face and tried not to let the annoyance show.

I know now I was too wrapped up in myself. I turned a blind eye to the suffering he was really going through. As much as he was trying to prove himself to Tifa, the other kids in Hollow Bastion, me, and Squall, most of all he was trying to prove himself to himself. He wanted to do something—really _do_ something—extraordinary. He wanted it more than anything. He wanted it so much I didn't see how real the depression he slipped into was. I didn't see how the darkness started to eat away at his heart and festered there with jealousy and all his inferiority complexes. I didn't see it until it was too late.

He was in SOLDIER by the time I noticed that somewhere along the way he'd become more withdrawn than ever. He wasn't just determined to make something of himself anymore—he was _obsessed_. A thirst for power and a craving for notoriety had stripped him of good judgment. He spoke with arrogance; he never smiled. The nice kid I knew from Hollow Bastion had turned into one mean son of a bitch.

To be honest it was Cloud and not Sephiroth I was worried about when we embarked on that mission to Nibelheim. Naturally, some of the old Cloud was still there. He was sick almost the whole way there. The awe he felt at going on a mission with the great Sephiroth was almost tangible. It wasn't until Sephiroth holed himself up in the Shinra Manor basement for days, looking more crazed every time I'd check in on him, that I shifted my focus and anxieties. Despite it all, though, I never expected to walk outside to find the entire town on fire.

Let it be known that when Sephiroth decides to make a statement, he doesn't fuck around. And as if his new penchant for arson wasn't bad enough, I had to try to stop him from running off with Jenova's head only to get a sword stuck through me and my head bashed in.

Things went pretty downhill from that point on. It was only later as I drifted in and out of consciousness in that stupid pod Hojo stuck me in that I learned what followed. I remembered—albeit vaguely—Cloud arriving to the scene. I remember actually worrying that he was there to assist Sephiroth—that the darkness had gotten to them both. Instead I learned Cloud had finally risen to the occasion and got run through with Masamune in the process. I figured he had died. Hojo never spoke of the outcome and I couldn't even open my eyes to see his continued presence in the pod right next to me.

I don't know how long we were in there. Years, probably. It took a long time for me to gain any sort of mobility. When I finally could assess my surroundings, I was astonished to find Cloud alive. More than astonished, I was proud to see him alive. Darkness, annoyance, and the way I had allowed us to grow apart vanished and were replaced with a need to make things up to him. I had been a shitty friend of little faith even if Cloud didn't know it, and I vowed I would get us out of there if it killed me.

Funny how vows like that work. I will admit I didn't think it would _actually _kill me, but I digress...

I did a good job of faking mako poisoning. I don't think Hojo ever knew that I was awake, clear-thinking, and formulating a way to get us both out of there for weeks until he came in one day to find us gone. Cloud was bad off—infused with so much mako I was sure he wouldn't make it, but that didn't stop me from talking to him as if he were coherent and promising that things would be all right. We made it half-way across the planet before we were caught. It was hell, fighting Shinra guards off and running from Turks with Cloud in the state he was, but I never abandoned him. The guilt was too strong. I felt such a sense of failure toward my friend as if I had betrayed him without realizing it, and only now were my eyes opened.

They weren't opened long. I can't remember what it felt like to die, but I know I felt no fear. I remember the rain. I remember Cloud hovering over me, howling in tears as if he were the one riddled with bullet holes. I remember thinking that I had failed and giving Cloud my beloved sword.

Then I was here in this bright, foggy place called the Lifestream that wasn't anything like what I had expected up close and personal with little to do but watch the living, and boy did I watch. I watched Cloud with a need for peace of mind everyday. I watched as he reunited with Tifa. I watched as he muddled through his memories, met Yuffie with no collection of their shared childhood, and fought alongside AVALANCHE. I watched as he defeated Sephiroth over and over again only to sit and wait for another one to spawn because that darkness I couldn't help him shake—the darkness I failed to notice him falling prey to—was still there and though he tried to fight it, his insecurities were back and he was helpless to the predator.

One day he just disappeared. Gone from Gaea, and that was when I learned the extent of my people watching was limited to those on the planet. I resorted to discovering the happy moments shared between strangers. Sometimes I watched over Tifa. Though I had never met most of them face to face, I grew fond of the people who had fought alongside Cloud against Sephiroth. And what felt like years later though the true passage of time is really impossible to tell up here where I am, I felt his presence again.

I didn't know what to be more shocked by: his pretty, bishie boyfriend or the fact said pretty, bishie boyfriend made him _smile_ so damn much. After all, I never had any inkling that Cloud might be gay, but I had even less of an idea that he might actually be able to turn the corners of his lips upward. To continue the shock he was with Squall (which took me a while to distinguish as everyone kept calling him Leon) and Sephiroth was defeated.

There's a lot of things that make my existence (if you can even call it that) here in the Lifestream pretty damn annoying. I suppose, however, that you can say I'm content. Cloud still drops in on Gaea once in a while with Riku and every single time he's wearing a smile that I didn't believe could exist. It's easy to see the gentle, selfless love they bestow upon one another. It's one of those nice things. I often think I would have liked Riku had I still been alive to see their relationship first hand and it brings a small sense of loneliness and regret, but at least I can at last feel at peace. It's always nice to restore some hope and faith in humanity.

**_Dear God it feels good to have this chapter done. Zack's been a real bitch to write (and I think Zack's bitchy outlook shows) but as I said earlier, with having to compare so many universes that in all honesty don't just mesh as far as canon is concerned, I tried. Horribly AU. Ah well._**

**_I like it any rate. I guess that's what's really important. Thoughts?_**


End file.
